


Hell, Damn, and Other Four Letter Words

by MelodramaticCoffeeAddict



Series: Other Things [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Friendship, M/M, Nakamaship, ZoSan - Freeform, Zoro is Chopper's uncle, focuses more on friendship, i had some fun with this, later on it'll get romantic, not even sorry, ooc moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 12:10:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict/pseuds/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict
Summary: All Zoro wanted to do was get through his first semester of college without any problems. His fate holds no such luck. With the death of his sister, Zoro now has a traumatized five-year-old to look after. On top of an annoying roommate from Craigslist. And the really-not-attractive blonde cook that’s far too interested in how much food Zoro doesn’t eat. Zoro has a lot of words to describe his situation. And they all have four letters.





	Hell, Damn, and Other Four Letter Words

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a zosan shipper, but I figured what the hey. I'll give it a try. I have a few different installments planned for this universe. This is just the first. More characters and background will come as more installments arrive. Please enjoy!

Zoro weighs the pros and cons of murdering his roommate at one-thirty in the morning. Pro: he doesn’t have to listen to Luffy and Usopp play video games all night, every night. Con: he needs to pay rent on his own. Pro: he doesn’t have to put up with any of Luffy’s annoying friends. Not the greedy witch. Not the goody-goody princess. Not the annoying cook. Con: he loses a bunch of free babysitters. Pro: he gets his own room. Con: he doesn’t get to oogle the cook’s ass. Because, even if he is a pain in the hass, he’s a fine piece of it too.  
All pretty big cons. But Zoro can work with them.  
Across the room, blankets rustle. Small feet pad over the wood floors. Zoro bites back a sigh and rolls away from the wall. Blinks up at the small boy standing at his bedside.  
“Bad dream, kiddo?”  
Chopper’s head bobs up and down. His stuffed reindeer clutched tight to his chest. Zoro throws his blanket back. Shuffles his back against the wall to make room. Chopper snuggles close to him, nose nuzzled against Zoro’s bicep. A content sigh escapes the young boy as Zoro tucks the blanket p around him.  
Beyond the door, Luffy’s loud laugh echoes. Usopp swears wildly. By now, the babbling moron should know that he’ll never beat Luffy, at any video game. And that Zoro doesn’t appreciate them being loud at almost two in the morning. Luffy and Usopp may get to sleep until noon but Zoro has to be up by six.  
Careful not to disturb Chopper, Zoro shifts and slams his fist against the wall. The entire shitty apartment trembles. Their giggles and curses turn to them shushing each other. Undisturbed, Chopper only snuggles closer.  
Quiet settles over the apartment when the door opens and closes. A sure sign that Usopp left. Two in the morning and Luffy’s finally going to bed. Zoro buries a kiss in Chopper’s fuzzy brown hair.  
For the most part, Zoro can’t complain. Luffy, even if he’s loud and messy, is probably far superior to other roommates Zoro could have found on Craigslist. Chopper likes him. So, Zoro supposes that’s all that really matters.

 

“You brush your teeth?”  
Chopper flashes white teeth and minty breath his way.  
“Lunch?”  
A Doc McStuffins’ lunch box thrust out. Down the street, a small yellow bus rounds the corner and starts their way. Zoro pulls in a deep breath, readying himself for Chopper’s usual anxious tears.  
He squats down, eye level with Chopper. “Got Doctor?”  
The small boy nods vigorously, white knuckles wrap around his backpack strap. Zoro forces a smile on his face and opens his arms. “Hug for Uncle Zoro?”  
Chopper throws himself into Zoro’s arms. Clings as though they’ll never see each other again. Zoro lets out a breath. Squeezes his nephew tightly as the bus stops beside them.  
“Hey, no worries. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

 

“You’re in my seat again, you shitty marimo.”  
Sanji’s voice pulls Zoro from his light slumber. Other students filter into the lecture hall as the minutes tick on. Without looking, he knows the cook stands beside the aisle seat, glaring down at him. Because apparently, they shit cook believes in the imaginary assigned seating that most college kids just call “habit”.  
“Sanji,” Nami sighs.  
Clearly, the witch doesn’t want to put up with this today.  
“Chopper had a bad morning,” Zoro tells them.  
The argument disappears instantly. After three weeks, they all know Chopper’s bad morning could mean Zoro needs to leave at any minute. The aisle seat saves everyone time and frustration.  
“No Luffy?” Sanji asks instead, taking the seat beside him.  
Zoro closes his eyes again. “Played video games with Usopp until two in the morning.”  
The cook snorts. Rustles around in his bag. “Sounds about right. Here.”  
Blinking open his eyes, Zoro finds a steaming breakfast sandwich on the desk in front of him. “Hmm?”  
“If Chopper had a bad morning, I’m assuming you didn’t eat.”  
Zoro stares down at the food for a moment. His pride screams for him to tell the cook not to be so nosey. His hunger aching stomach disagrees. His stomach wins.  
“Thanks.”  
Robin arrives moments later, greets them usual recap of last class and dives into the history of the Egyptian pharaohs. Zoro doesn’t bother to force his eyes open. He’ll steal Sanji’s notes for only tests.  
Exhaustion fills his body. Anxiety lingers in the back of his mind. Just a few more classes. Then, a short shift at work. Then bed. Blissful, glorious bed.  
Then he does it all over again. 

 

“Come have lunch with us,” Nami says.  
Zoro pulls his wrist free when she grabs it. “No.”  
Meal plans were far too expensive. And Zoro’s strap enough for cash. He can skip lunch, no problem.  
‘Please? I have extra meals. And if I don’t use them, I’ll lose them.”  
Sanji shoves him in the back, toward the dining hall. “Come on, marimo. You have an hour until your next class.”  
Zoro hates that they know his schedule. “I’m not-”  
His cell phone rings loudly. The air around them thickens. Sanji releases Zoro and he digs his phone out. The number for Chopper’s school sends his heart to his feet.  
“Hi, Zoro,” the school receptionist greets. A soft sort of pity fills her voice. It makes Zoro sick. “No one’s injured. But we had a bit of an incident and we can’t seem to calm Tony down.”  
Zoro moves straight for the door. All thoughts of food and class vanish. “I’m on my way.”  
“I’ll let him know.”  
“Oi!” Sanji catches him halfway through the parking lot. “Zoro.”  
“I don’t have time, Cook.”  
“Let me give you a ride.”  
Zoro’s feet freeze. “Eh?”  
“The buses are never on time and trying to get a taxi will be a bitch. Let me give you a ride.”  
All fair and true points. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you.”  
Sanji nods and ushers him to the fancy blue sports car. Drives with the same urgency Zoro feels. In the blink of an eye, they pull into the elementary school’s parking lot. Zoro opens the door before Sanji even puts the car in park.  
The receptionist doesn’t looks surprised when Zoro rushes in. Just picks up the phone. “Zoro’s here,” she says to the person on the other end.  
She barely hangs up the phone before the principal’s door opens. The man gives him a strained smile. Zoro’s chest aches. Adrenaline jumps through his veins when Chopper’s sobs reach him.  
He slips into the room without an invitation. Chopper sits on one of the chairs, sobbing over the two ruined pieces of his stuffed reindeer.  
“Oh, Chopper,” he mumbles.  
Chopper leaps from the chair at the sound of Zoro’s voice. Flings himself into Zoro’s arms. His sobs grow heavy. Each noise a knife to Zoro’s heart.  
“What happened?” Zoro demands, lifting Chopper into his arms.  
“It appears we had a slight altercation with another student.”  
“Slight?” Zoro snarls with a glare.  
“No one was injured, Zoro.” A tired impatience sits in the principal’s voice.  
“Physical injuries aren’t the only injuries.” Chopper hiccups and moans miserably against Zoro’s shoulders. “Did you punish these little bastards?”  
“Let’s keep calm.”  
“So, that’s a no?” Zoro’s temper ticks in his chest.  
Go figure. Schools sit and preach about how terrible bullying is. But refuse to stop it at a young age. He rubs Choppers back.  
“They’re children.”  
Zoro scoffs. Spins on his heel to grab Chopper’s lunch box and bag. “He won’t be in tomorrow.”  
“Zoro-”  
He pushes past the man without another word. His heart thunders against his chest. Behind him, the principal calls after him again. He doesn’t consider stopping for a moment. Chopper continues to cry against his shoulder, clinging to Doctor. The last present his mother had given him.  
At least the walk home should calm him down. Rage shakes his body.  
“It’s gonna be okay, buddy,” Zoro offers softly as he walks down the steps.  
Chopper nods against his shoulder, nuzzling closer as he hiccups. Just when Zoro’s considering calling an Uber, he spots Sanji’s blue car still parked in the parking lot. The blond leans against the hood, smoking and watching them with concerned eyes.  
“You waited?” Zoro can’t hide his surprise.  
“Well, I wasn’t making you walk home,” the cook replies. He crushes the cigarette under his foot and inches forward. “How we doing, Chopper?”  
Sniffling, Chopper leans away from Zoro and holds out the two pieces of Doctor for Sanji to see. Shock and sadness cross Sanji’s face.  
“Oh, Chopper, I’m so sorry.” He gestures to the car. “Come on, let’s get home, huh? I’ll make you a special lunch.”  
Chopper rubs his arm across his tearful face and nods. 

 

The smell of warm food reaches Zoro as he pushes open the door at eight-thirty. After a long shift, the cook’s food actually seems great. Not that he’s going to tell the cook that. His family already owns a five-star restaurant. The last thing the cook needs is a bigger head.  
A blur shoots at him and Chopper tackles his leg.  
“Oh.” Zoro stumbles back a bit before placing a hand on Chopper’s head. The young boy grins up at him. “Hey, Chopper. What’s got you all excited?”  
When he left, the boy sat sobbing, wrapped in blankets with a bowl of Sanji’s homemade ice cream. Now, Chopper’s eyes light up with excitement and he grabs Zoro’s hand, pulling him toward the kitchen.  
Luffy’s whole group sits around their table. Nami and Usopp help Sanji place food on the table while Luffy hovers over Vivi. In the blue haired girl’s lap sits Doctor. Who has his head reattached to his body. Chopper jumps up and down, pulls at Zoro’s arm and points at the stuffed reindeer excitedly.  
A breath of relief leaves Zoro’s chest and he sweeps Chopper into his arms. “Vivi fixed Doctor, huh?”  
Still grinning, Chopper nods and claps his hands together.  
Vivi looks up with Zoro with a smile and he grins back at him despite himself. “Thank you,” he says.  
“My pleasure,” Vivi replies. Breaks off the thread with a few quick movements and then holds up the stuffed reindeer for Chopper. “All fixed.”  
Chopper wriggles his way down. Snatches Doctor to hug him tightly. Then he rocks on his toes in front of Vivi. His uncertainty hangs in the air. Vivi’s gaze flickers to Zoro quickly and he squats down beside the boy.  
“Want to give Vivi a hug for fixing Doc?” he whispers, just loud enough for Vivi to hear.  
Red floods over Chopper’s cheeks and he nods.  
“I’d love a hug.” Vivi spreads her arms.  
Chopper shuffles over to her and hugs her tightly. Even gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. Vivi grins widely as Chopper scuffles back to Zoro to show him Doctor.  
“Maybe Vivi’s a doctor too, huh?” Zoro sweeps Chopper up again.  
“Sit down, marimo,” Sanji orders as he settles into the table. “We waited for you to get home. Luffy’s starving.”  
“Yeah, yeah!” Luffy cries. “Zoro, sit down! I’m hungry!”  
Zoro sits, Chopper still nuzzled on his lap. Glances at Sanji. Again, surprise leaks into his voice. “You waited.”  
“Well, someone’s got to make sure you eat.”

 

“Fucking, fucking, fucking, fuck!” Zoro snarls.  
His eyes burn. Exhaustion weighs on his eyelids. None of this makes sense. Did they even cover it in class? Why does Sanji have to write so fucking small and in cursive? How the fuck is he supposed to read this?  
From a few feet away, Sanji rolls over on the couch. “What are you swearing about at two in the morning?”  
“Nothing.” Zoro drops the pen down and buries his head in his hands. “Fucking fuck it.”  
The blankets crinkle as the cook sits up. “Fuck what?”  
“This test.” Zoro’s voice is muffled by his hands. “This school. This day.”  
Sanji scoffs. “It’s not that bad, marimo.”  
That’s what the cook fucking thinks. After a minute, Sanji joins him on the floor in front of the coffee table. He pulls the notes and the practice test toward him.  
“Come on, I’ll help you.” Sanji nudges him.  
“There’s no point.”  
No way will Zoro ever be able to pass anyway. College will probably be a waste of his money. Money he could spend on Chopper. Or save for Chopper’s tuition. The kid may be quiet, but he’s a little genius. Chopper’s going to change the world. He’ll be worth the college tuition.  
“Oi.” Sanji pokes him. “Get your fucking head up, marimo. I'll make some coffee and food. We’re going to pass this test.”  
Coffee actually sounds damn good right now. Zoro makes no protest as the cook begins to move about the kitchen. His back aches. Leaning down at an angle does little to help. But he doesn’t care. Everything feels too heavy to keep upright. And the dark relaxes his burning eyes.  
“Here.” Sanji sets down a plate of steaming food and coffee beside him. His nimble fingers take the notebook and scan the page Zoro’s trying to read. “Oh, yeah. This section sucks. I barely got it and I was actually awake for class.”  
“Not helpful, cook,” Zoro moans, voice muffled my his arms.  
“Don’t get your panties in a twist. I can explain it to you.” He points to the plate of rice and vegetables. “Eat that.”  
Zoro glances at the plate. “Eh?”  
“Don't think I didn't see you give most of your food to Chopper. Eat that.”  
Zoro’s stomach grumbles. “Bossy cook.”

 

Zoro can't be sure if it was the food or the help studying but he passes the test. Granted it isn't the best grade ever but its it's more than enough to ensure his GPA doesn't plummet.

 

“Zoro has a crush on Sanji,” Luffy announces on night when Nami and Usopp are over studying for their music history exam.  
Zoro chokes on his own spit. In the next room, Chopper sleeps soundly. At least Zoro doesn't have to worry about that. But still.  
“What the hell, Luffy?” Zoro snarls between gasps.  
“You do?” Nami’s eyes light up.  
“No!” Zoro yelps.  
“I dunno,” Usopp pipes up. “You have gotten nicer to him.”  
“Fuck off, Usopp.”  
The art student shrugs. “Just being honest, man.”  
“Well, this is-”  
“Don’t!” Zoro snaps, pointing at Nami. “You dare spread that lie to anyone.”  
Nami smirks and leans forward in her seat. “That’ll cost you,” she says in a sing song voice.  
Luffy laughs madly. Usopp smirks.  
Not for the first time, Zoro weighs the pros and cons of mass murder. Again, the cons prove too massive. He drops his head on the table with a groan. “I fucking hate all of you.”  
“Oh, come on,” Usopp laughs. “It's not that bad. Sanji feeds you all the time, so he must like you back.”  
“He feeds everyone,” Zoro mumbles.  
“Not like he feeds you.”  
“Usopp’s right.” Nami closes her textbook and settles in her seat. “I’ve known Sanji for four years. I’ve never seen him so eager to feed someone. He constantly has snacks in his bag for you.”  
“That’s because he’s nosey.”  
“Or because he’s worried about you.” She sings back.  
Zoro glares at her.  
“I’m serious,” she insists. The playful smile fades into a serious look. “Maybe you should ask him-”  
“No.” Zoro leaves no room for argument in his voice. He has more important things to worry about than a non existent chance.  
Nami pouts. “You’d be cute together!”  
“No.”  
“Fine.”

 

“Why?” Zoro opens the door to find four extra people in his apartment after work. “Just why?”  
Luffy blinks up at him. Still kicking Usopp’s ass at Mario Kart. “Why what?”  
Chopper wiggles out of the cocoon of blankets, leaned against Vivi and throws himself into Zoro’s legs with a wide smile. He pulls the boy into his arms. Gestures around the room.  
“Why is it I pay rent for six people to live here?”  
“Someone’s grumpy,” Usopp mumbles.  
Zoro shoots him a glare.  
From the kitchen, he hears Sanji chuckle. Fucking cook. Chopper giggles against his neck. It takes a minute for him to pull in a deep breath. Bed. He needs bed.  
“Hey,” Sanji calls as he carries Chopper toward the bedroom. “Where are you going?”  
“To bed.”  
“Without dinner?”  
Zoro’s temper ticks. He spins, ready to tell the cook to fuck right off. The words die in his throat. Sanji watches him with a bemused smile. Features so soft. But concern lingers in his pretty blue eyes. The sight makes Zoro’s heart hurt. It’s been a while since someone looked at him like that.  
“Yeah, alright,” Zoro mumbles.  
Chopper wiggles free to scamper back to Vivi’s lap and Zoro slips into the table for dinner. Sanji settles across from him. Lets him eat in silence.  
“Oh,” Nami calls after a few minutes. “Zoro, we’re going out for drinks on Saturday.”  
Zoro glances over his shoulder to raise an eyebrow at her. Not sure why she’s telling him that. What the babbling group of morons do on their own time is their business.  
“Luffy’s brother, Sabo, offered to watch Chopper for us.”  
“What?” Zoro’s head snaps up. “Why?”  
Nami blinks at him. “Because, we’re going out for drinks.”  
“And what does that have to do with me and Chopper?”  
“Because Zoro’s coming with us,” Luffy interrupts as though it should be obvious.  
“I’m am not.” Zoro stands up to take his plate to the sink and drops it in the soapy water.  
The very thought of beer makes his skin crawl. Makes his leg ache and his chest drum.  
“Of course you are,” Nami says impatiently. “God, I swear, all you do is work and go to school.”  
Annoyance flicks at his back. He dips his hands into the water to do the dishes. Parties don’t sound like fun. Sitting home with Chopper. Watching a movie. That all sounds fun to him.  
“You need to go out and get wasted,” Nami continues.  
Wasted. Throwing his guts up. Crashing a car. Yeah, great fucking fun. No, he’s going to stay home and relax. Maybe sleep the day away on the couch.  
“I’m telling you, you’re coming.”  
“Nami,” Vivi t’sks.  
“What? I’m sick of him acting all aloof. Pretending to not like us.”  
“Nami.” Vivi’s voice turns a bit more urgent.  
The plate in Zoro’s hand cracks.  
Nami ignores her and turns back to Zoro. “You’re coming.”  
“No,” he repeats, running the plate under running water.  
“Yes!”  
“Nami, if he doesn’t want to come, he doesn’t have to,” Vivi interrupts quickly. She adjusts Chopper on her hip as she stands. “We’d love for you to come with us, Zoro. But, if you don’t want to come, that’s fine. We understand.”  
“No, we don’t!” Nami snaps. “You’re such an ass. We try to be nice and we try to be your friend, and you throw it back in our faces every time.”  
Chopper shrinks back in Vivi’s arms. Zoro doesn’t miss the tears forming in his eyes. Must be Nami’s voice has gotten to loud. Zoro’s jaw clenches and he forces a slow breath out his nose and he walks over to them.  
“Come here, Chopper,” he says softly.  
The young boy clings to him tightly as he lifts him up.  
“And now that I’m bringing shit up, you’re going to ignore me,” Nami huffs. “Seriously?”  
Zoro continues to ignore her and sets Chopper down on the counter to pull out a water bottle.  
“Hey!” Sanji snaps. “Don’t ignore Nami when she’s talking to you. She’s right.”  
His hands shake. Of course she’s right. Nami’s always right. And Zoro’s always wrong. His breath trembles. Chopper reaches for him. Eyes swimming with tears at all the annoyed and raised voices.  
“Sanji,” Vivi hisses.  
“Don’t get mad at Sanji!” Nami’s voice raises. “Zoro’s the one being an asshole. We tried to invite him out. We try to get him to talk more than two words to us. We try-”  
“I never asked you to do any of that!” Zoro snarls. He glares at her. Heart beats wildly in his chest. He pulls Chopper into his arms. Everything trembles. “I didn’t ask you to want to be fucking friends with me. I want you all to leave me the hell alone!”  
They all fall silent. Let him stalk into his room with Chopper shaking in his arms and slam the door. His nephew clings tightly as he paces the room. Beyond his room, the front door opens and takes several seconds to close. Not so much as a board creaks afterward. Which means even Luffy left.  
Six trips around the room later, Chopper relaxes in his hold. Deep in sleep. He tucks the young boy in, Doctor and all.  
They’ll be alright. As long as Chopper is happy, healthy and able to go to sleep. They’ll be alright.

 

Zoro sits at the empty seats in the back of class, far away from the group. They don’t look around for him. Nor do they glance back at him.  
After a few days, his chest stops tightening at the idea of going to history.

 

Luffy doesn’t reappear at the house during any of the hours Zoro is normally home. Which means he needs a new babysitter. The woman he finds charges ten dollars an hour. Far better than the fifteen other people charge. 

 

Chopper actively searches the house for Luffy for the first week. He glances in Luffy’s room and looks up at Zoro with tearful eyes. A small distance seems to grow between him and Chopper. The small boy sits in Luffy’s doorway and refuses to come to Zoro’s arms when he asks. 

 

“You brush your teeth?”  
Chopper nods.  
“Remember your lunch box?”  
He holds up the box.  
Zoro ruffles his head. “Got Doctor?”  
Chopper nods again.  
“Okay.” The bus pulls to a stop beside them and Zoro presses a kiss to Chopper’s head. “I love you.”  
The boy nods. Presses his head against Zoro’s leg. Boards the bus without complaint.

 

It occurs to Zoro far too late that, without Sanji there to remind him, he hasn’t eaten in almost three days. Robin’s class has been particularly boring. He’s ready to get the hell out of there. Chopper doesn’t get off the bus for another three hours. Fuck his other two classes. His head pounds. Stomach churns. Exhaustion burns through every fiber of his being. He’s going to go home and take a three hour nap.  
Then, when Chopper gets home, he’ll make the boy a quick dinner and pass out on the couch again.  
Robin dismisses them. Zoro reaches down. Grabs his bad. Regrets it immediately. The world turns. His breath catches.  
His legs knock against the desk chair. Balance gone.  
“Zoro?” The call of his name sounds suspiciously like Luffy.  
Probably just his imagination though. Luffy doesn’t even come to the apartment anymore. Zoro fucked that up. Not that that’s anything knew. He has a terrible habit of fucking stuff up. Which is why he didn’t want to make friends with them in the first place. Everyone Zoro touches, he ruins.  
“Hey, marimo.”  
Black dances across his vision. Pain erupts from the back of his head. The floor hard and unforgiving beneath him. Everything hurts. Fuzz fills his brain. Everything above him is black.  
Sound comes back first. Voices. Familiar voices.  
“Zoro, can you open your eyes for me?” So soft and sweet. It reminds him of blue. “Did someone call?”  
“Yes, Vivs. They’re on the way.”  
“Okay. Zoro, hey, you in there?”  
“Zooooorrrrooooo!”  
“Luffy, not so damn loud. Lean back. He doesn’t need you to crowd him.”  
Zoro blinks. The world above him fuzzes. He can see blue and orange. Red clothes from the corner of his eye. A harsh shudder runs through his body.  
“Why did he move like that?” Luffy demands. “What’s wrong with him?”  
“Luffy, get back,” Sanji snarls. The cook hovers over him and snaps his fingers. “Zoro, can you hear me?”  
Another few heavy blinks. A soft groan rumbles through his throat. Pain drums at his body. He closes his eyes again. Black and quiet encompass around him again.  
The next time he forces his eyes open, a young woman in a paramedic’s uniform leans over him. His vision clears. She smiles down at me.  
“Hi, can you tell me your name?” she asks softly.  
“Zoro.”  
“Zoro. Nice to meet you, Zoro. How are you feeling?”  
Sore. Tired. Sick. “Fine.”  
She lets out a small huff of laughter. “I heard you passed out, Zoro. Any idea why that happened?”  
“Forgot to eat.”  
“Okay.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a small packed. “I’m going to have you eat this. It’s going to bring your blood sugar back up. It tastes like lemon.”  
Zoro nods. Regrets it as his head pounds. He forces his elbows underneath him. Her hand guides him up to a sitting position and he takes the small package. It tastes like shit.  
“Alright, Zoro. So, we know this was a case of blood sugar but you did hit your head. So, I’d really advise you to let us bring you into the hospital and get that checked out.”  
“No.” He shakes his head. “No, I’m fine.”  
I can’t afford a hospital trip. I can barely afford Chopper’s bills.  
“Are you sure? I can’t diagnosis you, but your eyes look kind of glossy. You might have a concussion.”  
Zoro shrugs. “I’m fine.”  
She nods. “Okay. I’m going to help you stand up. Do you have someone to drive you home?”  
“No, I walk.”  
“Do you want me to call someone to walk you home?”  
“No.”  
Zoro doesn’t have anyone to walk him home.

 

Everything pulses with pain when Zoro sits on the couch. His stomach churns. He should eat but he’ll just throw it up later. That’s a waste of food. Which would piss the cook off.  
A soft scoff leaves him. Sanji would never know he wasted the food.  
Zoro leans his head back. Blinks back the tears burning his eyes. He’s so tired. So fucking tired. But if he falls asleep he might not wake up in time to get Chopper off the bus. He’ll probably sleep straight through his alarm.  
Then he needs to get off the couch. Maybe he’ll just sit on the floor. The less comfortable he is, the less likely he is to fall asleep. Sudden movements sets of every ache he has. His stomach roars. He dry heaves over the side of the couch. Grateful that nothing comes out. Every pounding piece of him would be furious for extra movements. Tears prick at his eyes as agony fills him but, eventually everything calms. He puts his head in his hands, stealing a glance at the clock. Two hours and seventeen minutes until Chopper gets home.  
With any lucky, Chopper won’t want much to do with him today either.  
Keys jingle against in the door. Luffy probably doesn’t know he’s home. Normally, Zoro actually goes to his classes. He doesn’t lift his head as the door opens and several feet walk through the door. Two sets walk by him. Don’t acknowledge him.  
That’s fine. What did he expect?  
The couch dips next to him. A small, warm hand touches his shoulder. He flinches away. Bites back the groan in the bottom of his throat.  
“Zoro?” Vivi says his name with impossible softness.  
He wishes she wouldn’t sound so sweet.  
The fridge opens somewhere behind him. Sanji lets out a string of curses. Probably upset at the collection of microwave meals and lunch meat for Chopper. Zoro might have a few bottles of water in there as well. For some reason, he can’t remember what exactly he has.  
“I’ll be back,” Sanji tells the group. “There isn’t shit for groceries in this house.”  
Zoro moans and buries his head deeper in his hands. Sanji’s footsteps pause halfway across the room.  
“There a problem, marimo?” His voice is hard.  
“I can’t afford it,” Zoro mumbles.  
His hands must muffle the answer because Sanji moves closer. “Come again?”  
With a deep breath, Zoro forces himself to sit up a little straighter. “I don’t get paid until the end of the week. I can’t afford anything that isn’t in that fridge.”  
Sanji stares at him. “There isn’t enough food in there for the rest of the week.”  
“There’s plenty in there for Chopper.”  
“But there isn’t enough for both of you, you functioning idiot.” Sanji seethes. “Didn’t you just find out what happens when you don’t eat?”  
Zoro stares back at him. His brain comprehends slower than it should. “There’s enough food for Chopper,” he tells Sanji again.  
The cook throws his hands up in the air. “I’m going grocery shopping.”  
“I can’t-” Sanji slams the door before Zoro can finish. “Okay. Guess I’ll pay him back later.”  
“Sanji doesn’t want Zoro to pay him back,” Luffy offers softly from across the room.  
Zoro glances up at him. Luffy’s eyebrows narrow, confusion written on his face.  
“Okay.” Zoro mumbles. He makes a mental note to put money aside anyway. “Chopper missed you. You think. Do you mind staying until he gets home? I’m sorry I was an ass. I just. I don’t want him to be mad at me.”  
“I’ll stay.”  
Zoro forces a smile his way. “Thanks.” Some of the nausea in his stomach fades. Chopper will be so happy to see someone other than him. “I can move out if you want.”  
“I don’t want Zoro to move out.”  
Why? The question lingers on the tip of his tongue. Luffy should want Zoro so far gone by now.  
“Zoro,” Vivi says. Taps his shoulder. He starts. Glances at her as she frowns thoughtfully. “Your eyes do look really glossy. Maybe we should take you to the hospital. Just to be safe.”  
“No, it’s fine.” He can’t afford it. Doesn’t need to waste their time.  
Vivi sighs and stands. “At least lay down. You look like you could use some sleep.”  
“Chopper gets off the bus soon.” Zoro shakes his head. “I’ll sleep through my alarm.”  
“We can get Chopper off the bus,” Luffy says. “Zoro should sleep.”  
“Why are you here?” Zoro asks before he can stop himself. “I was mean to you. I yelled at you. Why are you here?”  
Luffy sighs and crosses to press Zoro down on the couch. Vivi disappears. Returns moments later with a blanket. Luffy sits on the floor in front of the couch. “Zoro’s my friend,” he says. “Even when Zoro’s grumpy.”  
“I’ll fuck it up.”  
“That’s okay. Zoro’s just not used to friends yet. He’ll get used to them. I’ll make sure.”  
These people are fucking weird. But, he trusts them to get Chopper off the bus. So he closes his eyes. Lets Vivi tuck the blanket around him. Sleep tackles him.  
The occasional sound makes it way through. Sanji coming back. Usopp and Nami arriving some time later. Luffy getting too loud every once in a while. Everyone else shushing him. About an hour and a half later, Zoro feels a soft hand in his hair. Hears his name in his ear.  
“Zoro?” He blinks his eyes open to Nami. She smiles at him. Brushes some hair away his forehead. “Sanji’s got food all ready for you. He’s even going to let you eat on the couch.”  
A rare honor. In the two months he’s known them, Sanji only allowed Chopper to eat on the couch - after he’s had bad days - and Luffy - when he caught the campus flu.  
“Come on.” She tugs his arm. “Sit up for me.”  
Zoro sits up. His head and stomach protest immediately. Nami pulls the blanket tight over his shoulders again. Her gaze moves over his head and Zoro glances over at Sanji as the cook offers him a plate. Zoro’s hands shake as he accepts it.  
Sanji sits beside him as Nami moves out of the room. The cook doesn’t speak. Doesn’t look at him. Zoro frowns down at the food. Rice and vegetables. Simple. Far from heavy on his stomach. But the smell makes him want to gag.  
“You’ll feel better once you eat it,” Sanji tells him.  
Zoro hums. Makes no move to eat it.  
“I mean it, marimo. Eat it.”  
Zoro swallows hard. “Don’t wanna throw it up.”  
“You won’t. Your body’s in starvation mode. Stomach’s trying to eat itself. It’s why you feel sick. Putting a bit of food in there can only help.”  
Zoro takes a hesitate bite. Followed by another. And another. In the blink of an eye, the food vanishes. Sanji smirks a bit as he takes the plate from Zoro’s hands.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat that fast. You know, I think that’s the biggest compliment you’ve ever given my food.” He stands.  
“I’m sorry,” Zoro offers. “I’m sorry, I know I’m an idiot. I’m-”  
“Stop,” Sanji says. “We’ll talk about it later, Zoro. Go back to sleep.”  
“Chopper will be off the bus soon.”  
“We’ll get him. Go to sleep.”

 

Zoro wakes up to chirping birds. All the curtains are drawn. Sunlight barely fights its way through. Gives a dim light to the room. His, Luffy and Chopper’s mattresses are sitting in the living room. Chopper curls against Luffy’s side on Chopper’s mattress. Vivi and Nami share Zoro’s mattress while Usopp lies half on Luffy’s.  
Dishes and pans clang softly in the kitchen. Which means the cook is up. Zoro pushes himself up. His stomach remains surprisingly calm. Though, his head does pound wildly.  
“Oh, thank god,” Sanji breathes when he stumbles into the kitchen. “I worried you died.”  
Zoro yawns and sets his head down on the table. “Only slept for the night.”  
“Two nights,” Sanji corrects. “Luffy had to call Law.”  
“Who?”  
“Some med student Luffy befriended last week.”  
Zoro hums.  
“Feel better?”  
“Yeah. Thanks.”  
A plate of eggs and toast slides in front of him. “What are friends for, right?”  
“Yeah.” Zoro stares down at the food.  
Across the room, Sanji opens the window, lifts himself up onto the counter beside the sink and pulls out a cigarette. “I take it this means you’re done your temper fit.”  
Naturally, the asshole wants a fight. When Zoro’s head still aches. And nausea rocks through him. The last thing he wants to do is fight. But annoyance prodes him. It wasn’t a temper fit. He just didn’t want to go out. He wanted them to be quiet and calm. Wanted Nami to stop bossing him around. Zoro’s tired of people bossing him around.  
“You hurt Nami’s feelings,” Sanji tells him. “She wants to be your friend and you act like you don’t want anything to do with her.”  
Zoro’s hands become incredibly interesting.  
“Everytime we ask you to go out, you say no.”  
“I don’t want to go out,” Zoro mumbles. “I don’t like parties.”  
“You’re a college student,” Sanji says, exasperated.  
“That’s doesn’t mean I like parties. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to drink. I like sitting home with Chopper.” He glares up at Sanji. “You guys never asked if I wanted to go out. You told me I was going out. Nami’s the worst about it.”  
Sanji blinks at him. Doesn’t interrupt.  
“I’m not like you guys, okay? I don’t like people. I don’t like feeling pressed against other people. I don’t like that my chest gets tight when I try to talk to someone I don’t know.” His gaze falls to his plate again. Cheeks heating with a blush. “I don’t like parties. I want to stay home.”  
The cook’s gaze lingers on him. Staring as though seeing him for the first time. Zoro’s leg shakes as he watches his plate. The food doesn’t move. Nothing moves for a moment. Then, the counter creaks under Sanji’s weight as he slips onto the floor again.  
“I’m sorry.” The apology comes out of nowhere. Sanji slips into a seat across from him. The cigarette burning in an ashtray by the window. “I didn’t realize. It’s kind of obvious now that I think about it.”  
Zoro doesn’t look up.  
Sanji sighs. “Eat that. You’ll feel better.”  
“You care an awful lot about how much I eat.”  
“Well, I did see you pass out a few days ago.” Annoyance drips through Sanji’s voice. “You can’t go around starving yourself, idiot.”  
“I wasn’t starving myself,” Zoro protests. “I just forgot to eat.”  
“And the agony in your stomach didn’t tip you off?” The annoyance twists to a bit of anger.  
Zoro shrugs. “I ignored it.”  
“You’re an idiot.”  
Zoro’s jaw clenches. Heart hammers in his chest. “Look, I’m sorry I don’t own a fucking restaurant and that my life doesn’t revolve around food all day, everyday. I had more important things to do than eat, okay?”  
Sanji glares back at him. “How the hell are you going to take care of Chopper if you can’t take care of yourself?”  
When Zoro was young, his adoptive sister - Kuina - told him his temper was like an a-bomb. When it blew up, the entire world would know about it. Sensei had worked hard to calm the temper. Years after the man stopped caring, Zoro tried to keep it under control. Tried for far too long. The bomb drops.  
Zoro slams his hands onto the table as he stands. The plate trembles. Eggs jump onto the table. “I can take care of him fine!”  
Blankets rustle in the other room as the others scramble to their feet. Sanji stares up at him calmly. Eyes moving up and down Zoro’s trembling body.  
Zoro can take care of Chopper. He can! Fuck anyone who tells him any different. Chopper isn’t some throw away child that can go up for adoption because Kuina isn’t around anymore and no one knows who Chopper’s father is. He doesn’t need to sit through the pain and sadness. To feel like no one will ever want him. To have hope ripped away everytime he gets looked over. Everytime someone smiles at him but picks a cute little girl with a bubbly personality. Smiles and talks foster parents ears off.  
Chopper doesn’t need to want to paint his wrists red. Or to long for someone to talk to him. To want him. To love him.  
Zoro loves him. Zoro will always love him. Will always take care of him.  
Out of the corner of his eye, Zoro sees Luffy peak into the room. Concern is written on the younger man’s face as he takes a few hesitant steps toward the table.  
Sanji’s gaze moves to the living room. The calm look morphs into a soft smile. “Uncle Zoro’s loud now that he’s up, isn’t he?”  
Feet patter across the floor. Zoro has no time to prepare. Chopper launches himself against Zoro’s leg. Almost knocks him over. Clings so tightly, Zoro swears he cuts off his circulation.  
“Hi, Chopper,” Zoro mumbles.  
Lets the anger seep away and lifts Chopper into his arms. The small boy clings to his neck tightly. Nuzzles his nose against Zoro’s collarbone. Peppers his exposed skin with kisses. A long breath leaves Zoro and he squeezes the boy tight, rubbing his back.  
“Were you good for everybody?”  
“Chopper was great,” Luffy cheers. “He kicked Usopp’s ass at Mario Kart!”  
Zoro turns his head to peek down at his nephew. “Did you?” Chopper nods against his shoulder. Zoro kisses his temple. “Atta boy.” He looks up at the group gathered in the doorway. “Thank you, for looking after him.”  
A round of smiles and nods go around them.  
“Everybody sit down,” Sanji calls. “Breakfast is ready.”  
Zoro returns to his seat, Chopper still pressed against his chest. Zoro pulls the plate of warm food toward him and offers Chopper the fork. “Hungry, kiddo?”  
Chopper takes the utensil without protest and sticks the fork into one of the eggs. Then he shifts, holds the forkful of food up to Zoro’s lips and stares expectantly. Zoro blinks down at him. A round of giggles go around the table.  
“Chopper wants Zoro to eat,” Luffy announces.  
Zoro rolls his eyes at the energetic boy, but opens his mouth and allows Chopper to dumb the food in. The small boy beams. Sticks another forkful of eggs and repeats the process. Must be someone told him Zoro got sick from not eating. Fucking tattletales.

 

Chopper doesn’t stop feeding Zoro for weeks. The damn cook practically moves in to make breakfast and dinners for them. The others stop bugging him to come out. Instead, they seem happy to just come over and hang out. None of them break out alcohol until Chopper’s gone to bed. And they stop bothering Zoro to drink with them.  
Thank fuck.

 

"I wasn't trying to say you couldn't take care of Chopper."  
It's Saturday night. Zoro finds himself in the kitchen, a cup of tea between his hands. The others sit in the living room, playing video games and cheering each other on in hushed whispers. Only Sanji stands in the kitchen with him, cooking snacks. His obsession with food knows no bounds. But Zoro's social quota climbs upward. The noise from the others seems so much louder in the other room. Stuffs his chest with anxiety.  
"I just wanted you to realize that if you starve yourself, then you won't be around to take care of Chopper. Guess I should have worded it better."  
Zoro shrugs. "I'm not very good at it anyway."  
Hard as he tries, Zoro is far from the best caretaker in the world. He can't buy Chopper the toys he wants. Or take him to the zoo. Sometimes, he wonders if he would have been better off with an adoption.  
Sanji's brow furrows. "You do that a lot, you know? I thought you were just an asshole when I met you but, you really don't like yourself."  
"Not much to like."  
"We like you. And Chopper loves you. You take great care of him."  
"His mom was better."  
Sanji sets a bowl of freshly made caramel corn in front of him. "You don't talk about her a lot."  
"Yeah."  
Talking about Kuina hurts. Gouges his chest. Bruises his bones. Even when he tells Chopper stories about her. It hurts.  
Sanji doesn't press the matter. He settles back in his chair. "Reaching the end of your socialization allowance, huh?"  
"Think so."  
Zoro's tired. Tired of hearing people talk. Tired of feeling someone pressed next to him. The group hasn't been rude. Or overly obnoxious. They've just been here for over twelve hours. Zoro has no real place to sit by himself, except the kitchen.  
"Want me to go?"  
If Luffy or any of the others asked, the answer would be a firm no. But, the cook is different. His presence is calming for some reason. Relaxing.  
"No." Zoro wants him to stay.

 

“So,” Nami says as they walk toward the apartment.  
Zoro doesn’t like her tone. There’s a mischievous tone dancing through the word. She smiles up at Zoro, hand locked in Vivi’s and her girlfriend moans miserably.  
“So, what?”  
“I might have a big mouth when I’m drunk.”  
Zoro raises his eyebrow. “Eh?”  
He leads the girls up and pushes the door to his apartment open. Chopper sits on the couch, Doctor in his hand and backpack on his back. Zoro blinks down at him as the young boy jumps up to hug him. The warm scent of fresh food drifts through the air.  
“Chopper, its four in the afternoon.” Zoro says, stooping to pick the young boy up. “Why is your bag still on?”  
Chopper hugs him quickly, grinning mischievously. Something is definitely up. The young boy wriggles his way loose and grabs Vivi’s free hand.  
Vivi gives Zoro an apologetic smile. “I told them there was a better way to do this,” she says. “I was outnumbered.”  
“Eh?”  
Chopper waves furiously before dragging the girls toward the door.  
“Hey, wait a minute,” Zoro calls after them. “Where are you going?”  
The door closes without an answer. Leaves Zoro standing there, dumbfounded. From the kitchen, plates scrape against the table.  
“If it makes you feel any better,” Sanji calls from the kitchen. “I didn’t get much of a say in this either.”  
Zoro turns back to find him leaning against the kitchen doorway. “What?”  
A soft smile graces Sanji’s face. “You’re going on a date with me, marimo.”  
Damn Nami. Damn her straight to hell.  
“I know we talked about us telling you to do stuff,” Sanji offers gently, motioning him toward the table. “But, you’re kind of a chicken shit when it comes to people. And you get all twitchy. And I didn’t know we were going on a date until I got here.”  
“Nosy witch,” Zoro grumbles.  
Sanji smiles softly. “I think she just got tired of waiting.” He shrugs and places a glass of water in front of Zoro. “Neither of us are really good at this.”  
Zoro shifts uncomfortably. “Thought you were straight.”  
“You’re half right.” Sanji settles across from him. “I’m more attracted to personality than to gender. What are you attracted to, marimo?”  
“Guys.” No point in lying. A blush spreads across his cheeks. “You.”  
Sanji grins.


End file.
